1 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,469 Oh! Not those colors. 2 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:20,673 I need stripes, that's what I need. I need some stripes. 3 00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:22,943 I bet she's got stripes. 4 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:24,381 Oh, my Lord. 5 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,384 - Hallmarks? - Four. 6 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:33,381 - Name them. - Hall or town, maker, date, standard. 7 00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:37,392 - Leopard's head. - Crowned or uncrowned? 8 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,295 Oh, not just a pretty face! 9 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:42,790 - Come to think of it... - Not a pretty face at all. 10 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:46,966 - The crowned. - Uh, leopard's head crowned... 11 00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:49,907 London, 1719 to 1836. 12 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,002 - I think he's got it. - By George he's got it! 13 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,172 I think he's knocked the little hallmarks on the head! 14 00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:58,407 (♪ Classical music) 15 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:10,060 Why aren't you using straight-line depreciation? 16 00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:13,554 Well, find out for gawd's sake. That's what I pay you for, don't I? 17 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,589 Pillock. 18 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,625 (Phone) 19 00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,465 - Hello? - Hi, doll. It's me. 20 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:23,669 Home in ten. 21 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,508 I could murder a very large GandT. See ya. 22 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,537 Yeah, all right, then, Joe. Yeah, OK. 23 00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:30,847 Oh! 24 00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,040 Oh, no. 25 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,622 Something sparkling in the fridge for later. 26 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,853 What do you mean? 27 00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,896 Way-hey! There's my lovely girl. 28 00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,126 Bottoms up. 29 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,102 - Want your Wedgwood cufflinks? - You got them out the safe? 30 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:52,127 Oh, no. Anything will do. 31 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,238 - This is not right, is it? - It's lovely. 32 00:02:56,709 --> 00:03:00,839 - It's not too, you know? - Beautiful, girl. Beautiful. 33 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,814 Only, go easy on the booze. 34 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:07,183 Three glasses of wine, top weight. Don't want you snorkeling at the Felshams'! 35 00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,552 I'm not a total 'nana, you know, Joe. 36 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:13,148 You're beautiful, doll. 37 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:17,630 Only this nosh, multo importanti. Know what I mean? 38 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:18,824 No. 39 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,425 - Gruder? - Joe and Lily. 40 00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:25,130 - And he's in property? - Builder, developer, entrepre-what-not. 41 00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:27,469 Hmm. Will I like him? 42 00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:31,341 - Salt of the earth, my darling. - Salt's not good for you. 43 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,175 A chance to get to know him in a non-business context. 44 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,546 - No shop. - Jane, please! 45 00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:38,878 (Sniffs) 46 00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,146 Ahem. 47 00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,685 Ah, there you go. 48 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,884 - Yeah? - Barnet's nice. 49 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:49,383 Oh, yeah, Cath did it. She always does it ever so nice. 50 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,420 You never wear them pearls no more. 51 00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:56,632 Well, I didn't think that they went with this dress, that's all. 52 00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:59,331 If you've got it, flaunt it, that's what they say. 53 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:02,864 Well, we don't want to look like a pair of flash prats, do we, Joe? 54 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:06,936 Oi. Twenty-odd grand them pearls cost me and that's when a grand was a grand. 55 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:11,781 - Well, I'll wear them if you want me to. - Nah, it don't matter. 56 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:16,551 Some of them titled folks, they haven't got a penny to scratch their bums on. 57 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:19,615 Nah, Felsham's rich. Owns half of Suffolk. 58 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,253 - Right, you fit? - Mm. 59 00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:25,264 Once this deal goes through, we'll own the other half, right? 60 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,289 - Right! - Right. 61 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,826 (Car starter motor falters) 62 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:39,572 - I was afraid of that. - Bloody Miriam, she'll have to go! 63 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,776 I thought that was the whole point, Lovejoy. A certain reluctance to go. 64 00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:53,658 Eight? 65 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:55,991 I invited Lovejoy. 66 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,656 Oh. 67 00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,530 - Who's he paired with? - Rosemary Blake. 68 00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,262 That should stop him laughing in church. 69 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,294 (Horn) 70 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:27,983 - Joe, good to see you. - Alex. 71 00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:30,962 - The trouble-and-strife. Lily. - Delighted to meet you. 72 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,433 - Darling, Joe and Lily. My wife Jane. - Hello. 73 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:38,995 Hello, your Ladyship. I'm ever so sorry but I don't really know what to call you. 74 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:42,633 It couldn't be more simple. I'm Jane, he's Alex. 75 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:46,242 I thought you were going to say Tarzan! Ha, ha, ha, ha! 76 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:10,567 - Will sir be wanting me to wait? - Foxtrot, Oscar. 77 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:11,934 Eh? 78 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:16,033 - What happened to Miriam? - Intensive care. 79 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,066 Don't worry, I'll run you home. 80 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:23,315 (Joe) One thing I do remember, I always wanted to live in a house with a bath. 81 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:25,340 A swimming bath? 82 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:29,515 No, love. Ordinary two-tap job - one hot, one cold. 83 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:33,685 I can still hear us Hackney kids shouting, "Cold, cold!" 84 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:37,253 The attendant, God rot him, kept throttling back on the hot water. 85 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:42,863 - Life was real. - Too bloody real. 86 00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,603 What's your wrinkle, then, Mr. Lovejoy? 87 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,665 - Antiques. - You don't look that old! 88 00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:52,303 Oh, bless you, Lily. 89 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,336 (Lily) Ha, ha, ha, ha! 90 00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:59,082 Lovejoy and I run an interior design consultancy. 91 00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,949 No kidding. 92 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,318 - Don't we? - What? 93 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,983 - Our little business. - Oh, yes! 94 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:07,857 So if you ever get bored with your William and Mary 95 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:10,886 and you want to go all Victorian, we'll help you get there. 96 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:14,195 You must come over and see our place, mustn't they, Joe? 97 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:18,966 Oh, yeah. All comers welcome. D'you make a living out of your antiques, then? 98 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:22,600 Well, as they said in Rome, Joe, "S.P.Q.R." 99 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:26,373 - Sorry? - Small profit, quick return. 100 00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:31,372 - Pile it high, sell it cheap. - Today's junk is tomorrow's antiques. 101 00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:33,578 It's slander, but they keep on saying it. 102 00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,919 - Do you ride, Joe? - Certainly. 103 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:47,296 Every morning - out on the old exercise bike, fighting the flab! 104 00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,096 I meant horses. 105 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,831 Listen, there's three things you can rely on - 106 00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:55,807 death, taxes, and me not getting on a horse. 107 00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:59,175 - Rosemary has a new horse. - I know. I saw you out the other day. 108 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:02,409 Daddy bought it for me at Newmarket. A three-year-old colt. 109 00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:05,246 - A real daisy cutter! - Enormous great thing. 110 00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:07,013 Only 15 hands. 111 00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:11,387 I wouldn't like to sit next to him in a cinema! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 112 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,095 Are these portraits all Felshams? 113 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,223 (Jane) Yes, miserable-looking lot. 114 00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,257 (Lily) Oh, I agree. 115 00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:34,636 Cigar time. 116 00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:40,412 They say the finest ones are Havana leaf 117 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,752 rolled in the sweat from a Cuban girl's thigh. 118 00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:46,915 Not this one, but... 119 00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:50,418 you can dream, can't you? 120 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,255 So, Joe Gruder, what do you reckon? 121 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:58,363 I can't help remembering something my old granny used to say - 122 00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:00,395 "There'll be tears before bedtime." 123 00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:07,001 I get this feeling somebody could get hurt. 124 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,037 And I get this feeling... 125 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,880 it won't be Joe. 126 00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,943 - Bye. - Bye. 127 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,284 (Lily) Thank you, Jane. It was ever so nice. 128 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:27,657 So, what did you think of Joe? 129 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:31,192 - Well, I was going to ask Alex that. - Let's hear your opinion. 130 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:35,435 Well, it's nothing to do with me, but as a divvy I do get these vibrations. 131 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:37,567 I thought that was The Beach Boys. 132 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,976 - Ignore him. - Well... 133 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:45,378 Well, I would need to know a lot more about him before I got involved. 134 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,046 - He smiles too much. - And what a smile. 135 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,488 - It's like a slit in a letterbox. - That your considered opinion? 136 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:55,051 - I've probably met more villains than you. - I am a J.P. 137 00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:58,188 There can't be that many heavies in the House of Lords. 138 00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:59,754 I wouldn't be too sure. 139 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:05,135 With respect, Lovejoy, your divvying applies to antiques, not business. 140 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:09,232 Real business. Which is why you arrived on a motorbike and Joe came in his Rolls. 141 00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,477 Touché. 142 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:16,106 You were right about one thing, though. It is nothing to do with you. 143 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:21,418 You know all those pictures in the Felshams' dining room? 144 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,014 All the ancestors. 145 00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:27,548 - You want to see mine up there, then? - Be nice. 146 00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:29,754 They'd all have numbers across their chests. 147 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,228 Oh, Joe! 148 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,498 - You were very rude. - Was I? 149 00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:38,264 Very. I agree with Lovejoy. 150 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,397 When don't you? 151 00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:44,307 Joe Gruder started life by boiling beetroot for his greengrocer. 152 00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:45,537 That's marvelous. 153 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,479 His favorite expression is "cut the crap". 154 00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:51,574 Probably loses something in the translation. 155 00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:56,020 This is the '90s, Jane. The 1990s. There are no more free lunches. 156 00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:59,582 Assets are there to be used, to be made to sweat. 157 00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:19,608 Oooooh! 158 00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,327 From Mr. Joe Gruder. 159 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,353 Oh! 160 00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:41,764 Thank God he only came to dinner. 161 00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:46,271 There you go. £7 billion increase in trunk-road spending. 162 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:53,638 - They're going to be crying out for gravel. - We're certain there's gravel there? 163 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:58,378 The survey says so. Tons and tons of it. You're sitting on a goldmine, Alexander. 164 00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:02,547 Hmm. And then we turn the landfill site into a mere or a bird sanctuary? 165 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:06,524 - Felsham Mere. - It doesn't sound too grandiose, does it? 166 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,392 No. This is our chance to put something pack into the pot. 167 00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:13,660 We've both been lucky men, Alex. This is where we say thank you, right? 168 00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:16,566 - Right. - Right. 169 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:22,940 (Joe) This a specially commissioned scale model of Chez Gruder. 170 00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:25,000 And inside... 171 00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,035 voi-la! All the goodies. 172 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:31,348 Thought you'd like that. Have a little play with that later, eh? 173 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:37,384 And over here, the Burmese crumpet after the school of Rembrandt! 174 00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:40,553 - Like it? - It's... 175 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,960 Remarkable? Is that Morris or Li Ho Rembrandt? 176 00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,759 Sorry? Oh. 177 00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:47,696 Remarkable. 178 00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:05,173 - How much, then? - For what? 179 00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:08,414 Decking the place out with antiques. They don't have to be new. 180 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,389 - There's no answer to that. - Why not? 181 00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:13,823 Could be as high as... As high as... 182 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,224 Yeah? 183 00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,593 A hundred thousand? 184 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,195 Make it fifty. There's two in it for you in readies. 185 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:26,697 It's a landscape, Tink, but I saw it at yesterday's viewing. 186 00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:31,335 It's a panel attributed to George Vincent - a fella driving two cows. 187 00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:34,312 - What sort of cows? - Normal sort, four legs. 188 00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:37,713 - No, what breed? - Breed? I don't know. 189 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,980 - Black and white jobs. - Friesians. 190 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,613 Friesians, schmiesians. It's a fella, two cows. 191 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,989 A drover, you know, in a white smock, two cows, a river and some trees. 192 00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:50,826 - Any hills? - Rolling alluvium with limestone outcrop. 193 00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:54,299 - Any more questions? - I'm just making sure we get the right one. 194 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,358 Well, put a shout in for me, will you? 195 00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,700 - How loud? - Three hundred. 196 00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:00,796 - Three-and-a-half top whack. - Will do. 197 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,933 I'll see you at The Cock later. 198 00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,034 - Lovejoy. - Oh, hello, Joe. 199 00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:07,068 - Have you got a mo? - Sure. 200 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,778 Look... 201 00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:15,952 I know antiques is your game, but... well, it's Lily's birthday coming up soon. 202 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:19,389 - Ah, a little something for madam? - Yeah. I want a portrait done. 203 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:22,121 - Of her? - No, of me. 204 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,493 Like the ones Felsham's got. 205 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,929 Oh. 206 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:28,627 - When is this birthday? - Next Tuesday. 207 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:32,569 - Doesn't give us much time, does it? - Well, it doesn't have to be a big one. 208 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:39,844 Uh, Joe, it took Michelangelo four years to do the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. 209 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,541 Yeah, well, he was an eyetie. Use a local. 210 00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:45,709 What about that geezer what done Winston Churchill? 211 00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,878 - Oh, you won't get him. - Why not? 212 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,583 - Well, for one thing, he's dead. - And secondly? 213 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,820 I know lots of artists who won commissions. Not cheap, though. 214 00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:59,296 It's Lily's birthday for gawd's sake. 215 00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:01,322 Money's irrevelant. 216 00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:04,301 How much? 217 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:07,100 It depends on who we get, how many sittings... 218 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:10,597 Sittings? I ain't got time to fanny about on me arse all day. 219 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:14,374 Maybe we could take some photographs. Eric's a dab hand with a candid camera. 220 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,314 Bailey of Bury St. Edmunds we call him. 221 00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:19,874 Anyway, we could take some snaps. 222 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,387 But it has to be a surprise. 223 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,288 - We'll come to your office. - OK, you're on. 224 00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:27,315 Give us a bell first, though. 225 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:35,692 Lady Jane, she seemed well impressed with the Burmese girl. 226 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:38,294 Yeah, well, she would, Joe. She's got taste. 227 00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:41,431 Yeah. Maybe I should send her a copy. 228 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:43,464 Yeah, nice touch. 229 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,434 Or maybe two. 230 00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,908 Don't do that, Lovejoy! 231 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,285 How are you doing, freak? 232 00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,950 Lady Jane says to start with an Adam fireplace. 233 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:03,189 - Make a focal point for the sitting room. - Very good idea. I've got a French one. 234 00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:05,492 - Yeah, but that's not Adam. - Louis Quinze. 235 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:08,091 - Is it? - Quinze-ish. 236 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:11,762 - Well, how much? - Bang it out to him for five hundred. 237 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:15,672 Right. Hold on a minute. Isn't that the one you got from Honfleur? 238 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,697 Yeah. 239 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,575 - You only paid 30 quid for that. - It was a bargain. 240 00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:23,069 - 470 quid mark-up? - Very, very good bargain. 241 00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:26,084 You know what would look great here, Eric, 242 00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:30,054 is one of those bronze reproductions of the Manneken Pis statue. 243 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:32,649 - The what? - The Belgian kid taking a widdle. 244 00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:35,592 He'd look as if he was filling the pool, wouldn't he? 245 00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,824 - Are you sure? - It'd fit like an envelope round a check. 246 00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:41,856 Oh, and two packets of salt and vinegar crisps. 247 00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:48,473 - There's just something about him... - I know. 248 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,498 ...that's not exactly kosher. 249 00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:52,772 Alexander won't hear a word against him. 250 00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:54,802 - I noticed. - Sorry about that. 251 00:16:56,582 --> 00:17:00,177 Rich as creases, yet he cuts corners like a one-armed paper hanger. 252 00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:04,683 What exactly is this deal that Alex has got with him? 253 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,816 Some property transaction. 254 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,850 Piece of the Felsham estate. 255 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,721 I think you should suss him out. 256 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,128 We can't keep telling Alexander we just don't like him. 257 00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:23,403 It's not a question of liking. Some of the biggest crooks are highly likeable. 258 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:27,344 You'd still be smiling when they slit your throat. 259 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,904 Proof. Concrete proof. 260 00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:32,178 Ooh, that word, Jane, I don't like it. 261 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:35,209 Concrete. One part cement, two parts Lovejoy. 262 00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:40,584 - Tinker, where's my landscape? - Saint Sotheby's snapped it up. 263 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:44,756 Squeezing the little man out again. Robbing the country of its heritage, Eric. 264 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:47,994 Right. Lily and Joe. I've made a list of things to look out for. 265 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:49,762 Could be wages, Tink. 266 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:53,738 - Lily favors Regency period. - She knows what Regency is? 267 00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:57,299 Not exactly, no, but she like stripes. 268 00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:59,242 Dad was a Brentford supporter. 269 00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:03,305 - How about a pillar-and-claw dining table? - What about that Queen Anne chair? 270 00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:06,806 Eric did a very fine job. Lovely piece of walnut. You'd never know. 271 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,013 That's not Regency. 272 00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:12,319 You know that, I know that, Eric nearly knows it, but - 273 00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:14,621 What if Joe found out? 274 00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:18,454 I've told your people that what this project lacks is faces! 275 00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:21,057 Docklands is a new city within a city concept. 276 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:26,595 Victorian warehouses are being replaced by gleaming offices and residential areas. 277 00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:30,165 Come the year 2000, Docklands will be a home to 100,000 plus. 278 00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:33,975 And it'll offer as many jobs as Bristol, a city with a workforce of 200,000. 279 00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:36,207 So pull your finger out, right? Right. 280 00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,607 Was that enough? 281 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:39,981 Fantastic. 282 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:41,849 (Claps) 283 00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:44,651 - Who were you talking to? - No one. I done it for you. 284 00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:48,658 - I was peeing meself. - So you're supposed to be. 285 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:52,596 Talking to me is talking to ten million quid and that does not want to be shouted at. 286 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,428 - You've done this before. - Yeah. 287 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:58,596 Journalist from the Financial Times said I use the phone like a blunt instrument. 288 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,730 I like that. But rubbished the company. 289 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,137 (Phone) 290 00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,165 - No, not that one, that one. - Oh. 291 00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:07,438 Yeah? 292 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,174 Yeah, I'll tell him. 293 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,580 That fax from Brussels is coming though now. 294 00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:14,415 Right. On me way. Back in a minute, lads. 295 00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:21,491 - Eric. - What? 296 00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:23,654 - Get by that door! - What? 297 00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:26,630 - Stand guard. Holler when he's coming. - Oh, no! 298 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,031 - You're not frightened, are you? - Terrified. 299 00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,467 You big baby! 300 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,733 - What are you looking for? - I don't know. 301 00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:38,505 Documents, papers, files, anything to link him with that Felsham deal. 302 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:41,206 - What if he comes back the other way? - We'll be caught. 303 00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,737 Oh, don't! I'm too young to die. 304 00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:46,410 And I've got tickets for the Guns N' Roses concert. 305 00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:49,045 You've found someone to share this obsession with? 306 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,181 He's coming, he's coming! 307 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,831 You got enough smudges, then? 308 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,099 Oh, yeah. I should think so. 309 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,073 Get yourself a cuppa, Eric. I want a bunny with Lovejoy. 310 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:20,249 So, I can leave it all up to you, then? 311 00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,913 - The portrait. - Oh, yes. She'll start tomorrow. 312 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:30,895 - Dinner the other night at the Felshams. - Very, very nice. 313 00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:33,022 Did you notice? 314 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:36,262 - Notice what? - Lady Jane. 315 00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:39,737 - Lady Jane? - Coming on very strong for me. 316 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:45,301 - She was? - Far-away look over the port wine. 317 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,505 - Are you sure? - Oh, yeah, I know that look. 318 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:51,482 I tell you, I always feel good about a deal if I can get a pull out of it. 319 00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:53,848 Black ink on the books and a leg over. 320 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,984 Lady Jane! 321 00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:58,284 Sugar? 322 00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:00,314 Joe says I'm sweet enough! 323 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,087 - You've got lovely hands, Jane. - Oh, thank you. 324 00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:07,428 Not a single oven burn on 'em. 325 00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:10,594 - Oh, I'm sorry. You don't mind? - No, not at all. 326 00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:15,096 D'you know, you can tell an awful lot about a person from their hands. 327 00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:17,404 - Have you studied it? - No. 328 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:21,310 My friend Doreen, you know, the one who never conjugated her marriage, 329 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:26,306 well, she reads hands. Hands and teacups. 330 00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:28,649 I imagine the teabag makes that difficult. 331 00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:31,953 Oh, I'd never thought of that. I'll ask her! 332 00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:35,990 Joe's got big hands. 333 00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,689 Real diggers. 334 00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:39,720 He gets right stuck in there! 335 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,992 - I'm talking too much, aren't I? - Of course not. 336 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:48,268 Joe was a boy soldier, you know. Joined when he was 15. 337 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,140 We still haven't decided on your kitchen. 338 00:21:51,176 --> 00:21:53,076 Oh. Do we have to decide now? 339 00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:57,275 - No. You want to discuss it with Joe? - I think it's best. 340 00:21:58,684 --> 00:22:01,585 - Does Joe do much cooking? - Oh, no! 341 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:06,250 - He doesn't even know where the kettle is. - Then you should decide. It's your kitchen. 342 00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:08,282 Oh... 343 00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:14,389 Has Joe always been a one-man-band? 344 00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:16,594 Oh, no. He used to have a partner. 345 00:22:18,804 --> 00:22:22,501 Joe says he had got a terminal illness. 346 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:23,838 Oh, I'm sorry. 347 00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:25,536 Greed. 348 00:22:25,577 --> 00:22:27,568 It's Joe's little joke! 349 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:32,972 Here's one for the Gruder collection - Regency Canterbury. 350 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:35,816 That'll be nice for him to put his Financial Times in. 351 00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:39,221 Found it in the Walworth Road. It was a lousy sale room. 352 00:22:39,257 --> 00:22:42,192 Tried to sell me a Fulham mug - hunting scenes. 353 00:22:42,227 --> 00:22:47,358 Meanwhile, Operation Joe Gruder. I want you two to find out all about him. 354 00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:49,867 His past, his present and his future. 355 00:22:49,901 --> 00:22:53,098 - Well, what about Lily? - Mrs. Gruder is 18 carat. 356 00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:57,973 She comes up with some real pearls, but she's all right. I'm worried about Joe. 357 00:22:58,009 --> 00:23:02,105 If he's trying to pull something over on the Felshams, I want to know about it. Right? 358 00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,171 - Right. - Right? 359 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,046 - Right. - Right! 360 00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:43,145 Oh, no, I really shouldn't. 361 00:23:43,188 --> 00:23:45,383 Well, just a taste. 362 00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:47,255 Oh! 363 00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:51,251 That's G-R-U-D-E-R? 364 00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:53,423 - That's him. - And it's for a profile? 365 00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:55,092 You got it. 366 00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:57,795 Can you work a microfiche machine? 367 00:23:57,836 --> 00:24:00,498 - Well, can a baby cry? - Do you want to come with me? 368 00:24:08,980 --> 00:24:11,972 - I bet you just love heavy metal. - Hate it. 369 00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:16,944 (♪ Easy-listening music) 370 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:21,649 Lil, do us a favor, girl. 371 00:24:21,693 --> 00:24:24,423 'Owitt, a jeweler. He's in the book under "H". 372 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,899 Give him a bell. Tell him to give us valuation on them pearls tonight. 373 00:24:27,933 --> 00:24:30,367 Does it have to be today? 374 00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:33,496 I'm going to Germany, Tuesday. I want it wrapped up by then. 375 00:24:33,538 --> 00:24:36,905 We're under-insured and the burglars are on overtime. See to it. 376 00:24:36,942 --> 00:24:39,376 Keep it warm till I get back. Ciao. 377 00:24:39,411 --> 00:24:41,379 Yeah. OK, then, Joe. 378 00:24:47,419 --> 00:24:49,580 (Eric) Joe Gruder had a partner - Roy Book. 379 00:24:49,621 --> 00:24:52,419 He now lives in exile on the Costa Del Crime. 380 00:24:52,457 --> 00:24:56,154 - Book had done time. Two lots. - What for? 381 00:24:56,194 --> 00:24:58,662 - G.B.H. - Oh, nice people. 382 00:24:58,697 --> 00:25:04,260 And another partner - James, known as "Pink Jim" Rutland, haulage contractor - 383 00:25:04,302 --> 00:25:06,236 - Aren't they all? - Yeah. 384 00:25:06,271 --> 00:25:08,603 ...died while mackerel fishing off Brixham. 385 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,633 - I warned him about those shoes. - And this is the really good bit, right? 386 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:15,578 - You could take this up, Eric. - You reckon? 387 00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:17,047 Get on with it! 388 00:25:17,082 --> 00:25:20,415 Joe was arrested after the Brinx-Mac Robbery. 389 00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:22,181 You remember? 390 00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:24,211 Well, no charges were ever bought. 391 00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:26,247 He don't smell of roses, does he? 392 00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:29,724 - Sorry to interrupt. - Hello, darling. 393 00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:43,731 Don't fiddle. 394 00:25:44,943 --> 00:25:46,934 - About Joe Gruder... - Yes? 395 00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:50,677 - I'm starting to worry. - Really? 396 00:25:50,715 --> 00:25:55,243 - He's been associated with crooks! - So have you. Lovejoy. 397 00:25:56,154 --> 00:25:58,782 - That was all a mistake. - Oh, I see. 398 00:25:58,823 --> 00:26:02,657 Lovejoy's allowed a mistake, but Joe isn't? That's your idea of logic? 399 00:26:02,694 --> 00:26:05,162 Joe's my partner and I'm delighted. Tell Lovejoy... 400 00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:06,686 (Phone) 401 00:26:09,534 --> 00:26:10,865 Yes? 402 00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:12,836 Hello? Yep. 403 00:26:12,871 --> 00:26:14,236 Hold on. 404 00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:16,263 - Lily Gruder. - Oh. 405 00:26:17,475 --> 00:26:18,464 Hello? 406 00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:22,105 Jane, I'm in big trouble. Could you come and meet me? 407 00:26:22,147 --> 00:26:23,478 Of course. 408 00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:31,847 I'm in schtuck. Big, big schtuck. 409 00:26:31,890 --> 00:26:34,586 - What's happened? - It's my pearls. 410 00:26:34,626 --> 00:26:36,856 - Have you lost them? - No. 411 00:26:36,895 --> 00:26:40,661 Joe wants me to get a jeweler in and have them valued. 412 00:26:40,699 --> 00:26:43,167 What's wrong with that? 413 00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:46,534 My son Alan, you know, the one I told you about. 414 00:26:46,571 --> 00:26:49,335 - The one Joe disowns? - Yeah. Well... 415 00:26:49,374 --> 00:26:52,901 He needed some money to migrate to Australia. 416 00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:53,933 Yes? 417 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:57,104 - So I hawked 'em. - When? 418 00:26:58,183 --> 00:26:59,343 Um... 419 00:26:59,384 --> 00:27:01,045 Two weeks ago. 420 00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:04,717 Oh. But you were wearing pearls the other day. 421 00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:07,384 Oh, no, no. They were paste-ups. 422 00:27:07,425 --> 00:27:11,088 - Where are they, then? - In Bishop's Stortford and the shop's shut. 423 00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:14,826 The man's gone to Holland and Joe says it has to be today! 424 00:27:14,866 --> 00:27:18,199 You'll just have to tell him to wait. Tell him it can't be today. 425 00:27:18,236 --> 00:27:20,227 You can't tell Joe "can't". 426 00:27:21,139 --> 00:27:23,107 They're my wedding presents. 427 00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:25,109 Joe will kill me. 428 00:27:27,345 --> 00:27:28,903 - Right. - Thank you. 429 00:27:28,947 --> 00:27:31,313 Mr. Howitt, Joe Gruder. 430 00:27:31,349 --> 00:27:33,442 Did Lily call you? 431 00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:35,282 She didn't? 432 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,878 Damn. 433 00:27:36,921 --> 00:27:38,912 I reckon she might be on to me. 434 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:43,583 Yes, you can. How are you fixed for tonight? 435 00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:45,755 They'd do that? They'd send a man down? 436 00:27:45,797 --> 00:27:48,857 For Joe? Oh, yeah, he's a good customer. 437 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,891 He may even have money in the firm. 438 00:27:52,570 --> 00:27:54,162 Well? 439 00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:56,298 I agree with Lily - trouble. 440 00:27:56,341 --> 00:28:00,107 Oh, I'm so frightened! Joe's a sweetie, but when he's cross... 441 00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:02,909 I promised Lily you'd think of something. 442 00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:04,608 Well, that's nice. 443 00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:07,675 - Lovejoy's very resourceful, aren't you? - Very. 444 00:28:07,719 --> 00:28:10,313 This money lender, he's closed until tomorrow? 445 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:13,347 Oh, yes. It's the christening of his daughter's baby. 446 00:28:13,391 --> 00:28:15,825 - Where? - Amsterdam. 447 00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:17,191 Handy. 448 00:28:25,303 --> 00:28:26,668 Well? 449 00:28:27,639 --> 00:28:29,834 Don't rush me. 450 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:32,206 We've only got until tonight. 451 00:28:36,281 --> 00:28:38,249 Hang about. 452 00:28:40,952 --> 00:28:43,580 - Fancy a refill? - I don't mind. 453 00:28:43,621 --> 00:28:45,714 Same again. Make it a large one. 454 00:28:45,757 --> 00:28:48,954 - Ship come in? - I need a small favor. 455 00:28:48,993 --> 00:28:52,087 - Cruelly insolvent at the moment. - It's not money. 456 00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:54,360 - It's not money? - It's your body. 457 00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:57,027 - Lovejoy... - I want to borrow it. Tonight. 458 00:28:57,068 --> 00:28:59,559 To impersonate a jeweler. 459 00:28:59,604 --> 00:29:02,971 - You pulling my wotsit? - It's only for an hour. 460 00:29:03,007 --> 00:29:05,202 To help out Lily. 461 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,837 Of Joe and Lily? 462 00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:11,645 I wouldn't go near that man if I were you. Remember what Eric's found out. 463 00:29:11,683 --> 00:29:14,743 - He's a leg-breaker from way back. - He's a pussycat. 464 00:29:14,786 --> 00:29:17,118 Well, he's not getting his claws into me. 465 00:29:17,155 --> 00:29:19,146 This body is too old to mend. 466 00:29:20,191 --> 00:29:22,318 - That's it? - That's it. 467 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,555 - That's your final word? - Final. 468 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:27,064 Right. I'll tell Jane, then. 469 00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:29,225 - Jane? - Mm. 470 00:29:29,267 --> 00:29:31,963 Jane's idea. I said you hadn't got the bottle. 471 00:29:32,003 --> 00:29:35,063 - It was Jane's idea? - Jane thinks highly of you. 472 00:29:35,106 --> 00:29:37,199 Well, thought highly of you. 473 00:29:37,242 --> 00:29:39,233 No, hang on. 474 00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:49,445 Lily! 475 00:29:49,487 --> 00:29:52,718 May I introduce Major Dill, jeweler extraordinaire. 476 00:29:52,757 --> 00:29:55,817 Hello, Tinker. Joe's not back yet. He'll be here any minute. 477 00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:57,851 Come on in. 478 00:30:03,968 --> 00:30:05,492 (Joe) Lily? 479 00:30:05,537 --> 00:30:07,198 Lil? 480 00:30:07,238 --> 00:30:09,229 Oh, Lovejoy. 481 00:30:09,274 --> 00:30:11,936 - Hello, Joe. - Nice surprise. 482 00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:14,638 This is Major Dill, and old friend. Joe Gruder. 483 00:30:14,679 --> 00:30:17,842 Major. Any friend of Lovejoy's... 484 00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:20,373 - What regiment? - Fusiliers. 485 00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:23,717 Oh. Tower of London. 486 00:30:23,755 --> 00:30:26,189 Major Dill's a jeweler. 487 00:30:27,225 --> 00:30:28,852 Jeweler? 488 00:30:28,893 --> 00:30:32,158 Yes, we heard you wanted some pearls valued. 489 00:30:32,197 --> 00:30:34,631 You never called Howitt. 490 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:37,294 I tried, Joe, but I couldn't get through. 491 00:30:37,335 --> 00:30:39,462 Oh, I thought you must've forgotten. 492 00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:43,531 So I dropped by and picked him up. 493 00:30:47,545 --> 00:30:51,481 Yes, well, one jeweler's company, two's a crowd. I think I'll yield... 494 00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:55,680 No, no. You sit down, Major. Two heads are better than one, aren't they, Joe? 495 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,585 Mr. Howitt, right? 496 00:30:57,622 --> 00:30:59,613 If you say so. 497 00:31:00,959 --> 00:31:02,290 So... 498 00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:06,159 Asprey's. Least the case is a good 'un! 499 00:31:09,667 --> 00:31:12,693 You like pearls, do you, Major? 500 00:31:12,737 --> 00:31:14,728 Yes, I like them well enough. 501 00:31:16,808 --> 00:31:19,038 Anybody want their drinks freshening? 502 00:31:19,077 --> 00:31:20,942 No, thank you. 503 00:31:20,979 --> 00:31:24,745 Yeah, well. No point in poncing about, is there? 504 00:31:26,284 --> 00:31:28,616 You care to kick off, Major? 505 00:31:28,653 --> 00:31:30,348 - Or... - No, no, please. 506 00:31:30,388 --> 00:31:33,050 No, you kick off, Major. 507 00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:39,262 Yes, well, pearls, you know, are notoriously difficult to price. 508 00:31:39,297 --> 00:31:41,060 No, I didn't. 509 00:31:41,099 --> 00:31:46,435 Oh, yes. The greater pearl - for example, La Peregrina, 510 00:31:46,471 --> 00:31:48,598 the one that Burton gave to Taylor - 511 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,768 they are virtually priceless. 512 00:31:54,379 --> 00:31:56,779 Don't stop, Major. 513 00:32:00,685 --> 00:32:05,486 One should always examine pearls against a pale background, 514 00:32:05,523 --> 00:32:11,257 because the pearl, if it is a true pearl, 515 00:32:11,296 --> 00:32:13,287 is a responsive surface. 516 00:32:17,201 --> 00:32:23,436 They assume the color and the texture of their surroundings. 517 00:32:26,010 --> 00:32:28,001 Like the lady's skin. 518 00:32:28,046 --> 00:32:29,479 Exactly! 519 00:32:29,514 --> 00:32:34,474 Now, question one - natural or cultured? 520 00:32:35,086 --> 00:32:37,520 Natural, one would say, 521 00:32:37,555 --> 00:32:41,286 because of the size and the match. 522 00:32:41,326 --> 00:32:45,092 Color's interesting. Slightly pink. 523 00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:47,154 Almost apricot. 524 00:32:47,198 --> 00:32:49,063 South-east Asia, I'd suggest. 525 00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:52,194 They're not that old. 30, 40 years. 526 00:32:52,236 --> 00:32:57,902 Perhaps a little less. The luster, the gleam, is strong but gentle. 527 00:32:57,942 --> 00:33:02,879 Pearls tend to fade if they're not worn next to the lady's skin. 528 00:33:02,914 --> 00:33:08,352 Dull pearls, my dear, are pearls that are not worn. 529 00:33:10,621 --> 00:33:15,558 Fascinating, Major, but you didn't say anything about worth. 530 00:33:15,593 --> 00:33:17,288 What are they worth? 531 00:33:17,328 --> 00:33:18,659 Um... 532 00:33:19,731 --> 00:33:25,829 Well, as the Major looked and spoke first, 533 00:33:25,870 --> 00:33:29,203 perhaps Mr. Howitt would like to price them first? 534 00:33:42,387 --> 00:33:46,448 Without scales, without X-rays, without breaking up the string, 535 00:33:47,425 --> 00:33:51,725 but knowing something of their history, something of their history, 536 00:33:51,763 --> 00:33:55,290 I'd say approximately, and it has to be approximate, 537 00:33:55,333 --> 00:33:56,994 42,000. 538 00:34:00,171 --> 00:34:01,729 (Joe) Major? 539 00:34:01,773 --> 00:34:03,900 I'm afraid I don't agree. 540 00:34:07,078 --> 00:34:09,342 - You don't? - No! 541 00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:11,541 What would you say, then? 542 00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:14,517 - I'd say that Mr? - Howitt. 543 00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:17,453 Mr. Howitt is way off the mark. 544 00:34:18,022 --> 00:34:20,115 I'd say 45,000. 545 00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:22,490 Perhaps even more. 546 00:34:24,495 --> 00:34:26,360 Never, ever do that to me again. 547 00:34:26,397 --> 00:34:28,592 You were terrific! 548 00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:31,466 That man could put you in touch with your ancestors. 549 00:34:31,502 --> 00:34:33,470 - How'd you do it? - Do what? 550 00:34:33,504 --> 00:34:36,439 - Make him say what he did? - I don't know. 551 00:34:36,474 --> 00:34:39,238 - Could they be genuine? - Search me. 552 00:34:39,277 --> 00:34:42,405 I couldn't tell pearls from barley sugar. 553 00:34:42,447 --> 00:34:45,712 Dear Lily. Bless her, she could've hawked the wrong ones. 554 00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:50,016 And Robinson gave her £900 for paste and water? 555 00:34:50,054 --> 00:34:52,454 Yeah, it's hardly likely, is it? 556 00:34:55,626 --> 00:34:56,957 Oi! 557 00:34:59,664 --> 00:35:02,360 Who's playing silly buggers, then? 558 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,892 (Lovejoy) We were about to ask you the same question. 559 00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:10,874 - You sussed they was falsies, then? - It was obvious from where I was sitting. 560 00:35:10,908 --> 00:35:13,399 A blind man would've spotted them. 561 00:35:19,183 --> 00:35:21,174 (Joe continues to laugh) 562 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:24,277 When I saw you two sitting in there... 563 00:35:25,990 --> 00:35:29,926 damn near dumped me lunch, I can tell you! 564 00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:31,952 Saved my Danish, you two have. 565 00:35:35,166 --> 00:35:37,031 Could you explain, Joe? 566 00:35:37,068 --> 00:35:39,059 Oh, yeah. 567 00:35:40,438 --> 00:35:43,805 About four year ago, big property gig goes belly-up. 568 00:35:43,841 --> 00:35:46,639 Suddenly, I'm completely brassic, skint as a fart. 569 00:35:46,677 --> 00:35:50,511 It's car-boot time. All the jewelry, the Krugerrands, 570 00:35:50,548 --> 00:35:53,881 Hanson shares, even Lily's pearls. 571 00:35:53,918 --> 00:35:55,613 I swapped them for some dreck. 572 00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:59,316 Now I'm back in the moolah, I need to replace them P.D.Q. 573 00:35:59,357 --> 00:36:03,953 Can you imagine if Lily found out her chokers, her wedding present, 574 00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:06,463 nothing but paste and pee? 575 00:36:06,497 --> 00:36:09,591 She'd slice 'em off. Never forgive me. Never. 576 00:36:12,303 --> 00:36:14,533 There you go, my son. 577 00:36:14,572 --> 00:36:16,767 A small token. 578 00:36:16,807 --> 00:36:20,743 I've made it out to "bearer". With all the excitement, I forgot your name. 579 00:36:20,778 --> 00:36:23,178 Joe! 580 00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:25,512 Mr. Howitt's come over all of a sweat. 581 00:36:25,550 --> 00:36:28,417 I've left him with his head between his knees! 582 00:36:28,452 --> 00:36:31,353 Oh, yeah, well... Yeah, I'll come and see to him. 583 00:36:31,389 --> 00:36:33,323 All right. 584 00:36:34,559 --> 00:36:35,719 (Tuts) 585 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,593 Fusilier wearing an artillery tie! 586 00:36:42,133 --> 00:36:44,931 I'll take that, Major. You might lose it. 587 00:36:46,938 --> 00:36:50,066 Playfair white, marble chimney piece. 588 00:36:50,107 --> 00:36:53,167 - How much? - Estimated 15, 25 thousand. 589 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:55,202 I'll pass. 590 00:36:55,246 --> 00:36:57,908 Pair of colorful Meissen vases? 591 00:36:58,916 --> 00:37:01,350 Something you said, Tink. 592 00:37:01,385 --> 00:37:03,910 - Meissen? - No, last night. 593 00:37:03,955 --> 00:37:07,982 About Robinson shelling out for paste pearls. 594 00:37:08,025 --> 00:37:10,357 It was a good question. Still is. 595 00:37:10,394 --> 00:37:12,385 (Phone) 596 00:37:13,831 --> 00:37:15,696 Lovejoy Antiques. 597 00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,724 Janey. I was about to call you. 598 00:37:27,178 --> 00:37:29,169 (Jane) "Credit and Finance." 599 00:37:29,213 --> 00:37:31,306 In other words, "pawnbroker". 600 00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:36,616 - Do they still exist? - What a lovely, sheltered life you lead. 601 00:37:36,654 --> 00:37:39,122 Now, why would he pay up for phoney pearls? 602 00:37:39,156 --> 00:37:41,181 Yeah, why, indeed. 603 00:37:41,225 --> 00:37:44,126 Perhaps Lily charmed him. 604 00:37:44,161 --> 00:37:46,254 Well, she showed him the paperwork. 605 00:37:46,297 --> 00:37:48,788 Original receipt plus insurance valuation. 606 00:37:50,401 --> 00:37:52,392 Perhaps he just didn't check on them. 607 00:37:54,472 --> 00:37:56,463 Gruder's name's very well-known. 608 00:37:57,541 --> 00:38:00,704 Did you find out any more about Alex's deal? 609 00:38:00,745 --> 00:38:02,940 He's selling Joe some land. 610 00:38:02,980 --> 00:38:04,777 They're developing it together. 611 00:38:04,815 --> 00:38:09,411 Taking out the gravel and turning it into something like a bird sanctuary. 612 00:38:09,453 --> 00:38:11,011 Sounds very green. 613 00:38:11,055 --> 00:38:15,048 Joe Gruder, green? Not exactly the color that springs to mind. 614 00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:20,620 You don't think he could get Alexander into trouble, do you? 615 00:38:28,205 --> 00:38:30,196 He wouldn't let me have them. 616 00:38:30,274 --> 00:38:33,266 - What? Why not? - What? Why not? 617 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,838 He said they were paste, but they weren't. They were the real ones. 618 00:38:39,483 --> 00:38:41,610 (Lovejoy) Blackmail. 619 00:38:41,652 --> 00:38:44,985 Well, remember what Howitt said last night about 42,000? 620 00:38:45,022 --> 00:38:47,183 Yes, that's right, yes? 621 00:38:48,426 --> 00:38:50,417 You hawked the wrong ones. 622 00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:53,987 I suppose so. 623 00:38:57,268 --> 00:39:00,032 Real or false... 624 00:39:00,071 --> 00:39:02,699 let's get 'em back. 625 00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:04,230 Lovejoy's very resourceful. 626 00:39:29,700 --> 00:39:31,793 - Robinson! - Yes? 627 00:39:31,836 --> 00:39:33,997 You know me? 628 00:39:34,038 --> 00:39:36,199 Well, you should. Joe Gruder. 629 00:39:37,808 --> 00:39:39,799 My wife's pearls. 630 00:39:40,678 --> 00:39:42,771 They aren't pearls. 631 00:39:42,813 --> 00:39:44,974 Tell me something I don't know. 632 00:39:45,015 --> 00:39:48,382 I accepted them in good faith. I gave her my check for £900. 633 00:39:48,419 --> 00:39:52,788 - They aren't worth £50. That is fraud. - Thank you for the legal lesson. 634 00:39:52,823 --> 00:39:55,883 She's got two sets. One real, one phoney. 635 00:39:55,926 --> 00:40:00,363 The real ones, used for special occasions, the other for everyday use. 636 00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:02,730 She played you the wrong string. 637 00:40:02,767 --> 00:40:04,758 No, I'm sorry, I don't believe you. 638 00:40:07,872 --> 00:40:11,899 You've got 30 seconds to change your mind. 639 00:40:11,942 --> 00:40:15,036 It's not a very good view. 640 00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:18,071 - What isn't? - Looking through two pennies 641 00:40:18,115 --> 00:40:20,811 at the lid of a pine box. 642 00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:46,666 You've made it out for a grand. 643 00:40:46,710 --> 00:40:49,907 A ton for your trouble, Mr. Robinson. 644 00:40:49,947 --> 00:40:51,938 Why "bearer"? 645 00:40:51,982 --> 00:40:55,383 I wouldn't want anything in writing linking my name with yours. 646 00:40:58,355 --> 00:41:00,346 Just in case. 647 00:41:04,094 --> 00:41:06,085 Oh! 648 00:41:09,333 --> 00:41:10,493 Oh, Joe! 649 00:41:10,534 --> 00:41:12,525 - Lovejoy? - Mm? 650 00:41:14,104 --> 00:41:17,096 These pictures of Joe Gruder. 651 00:41:17,141 --> 00:41:19,302 Yeah. Oh, get them over to Patricia. 652 00:41:19,343 --> 00:41:21,811 The sooner she has them, the sooner she can start. 653 00:41:21,846 --> 00:41:24,644 No, there's a plan on the office wall behind his head. 654 00:41:24,682 --> 00:41:26,650 It's part of the Felsham estate. 655 00:41:26,684 --> 00:41:30,745 - Probably the bit they're developing. - No, but it says "Odyssey Park". 656 00:41:30,788 --> 00:41:32,779 There's no park there. Look. 657 00:41:35,659 --> 00:41:37,752 I missed it, Eric. 658 00:41:37,795 --> 00:41:42,164 - Tink, your friend in the planning office? - Reggie Partridge? 659 00:41:42,199 --> 00:41:45,794 Yeah. See what "Odyssey Park" means to him. 660 00:41:47,304 --> 00:41:49,295 You are too kind. 661 00:41:52,810 --> 00:41:54,801 Whoa, whoa! 662 00:41:56,013 --> 00:41:58,004 I really shouldn't. 663 00:41:59,583 --> 00:42:01,778 (Tinker) Odyssey Park. 664 00:42:01,819 --> 00:42:05,812 Odyssey Park, Reg? Did it ring any bells? 665 00:42:10,294 --> 00:42:14,492 Permission first applied for, July of this year. 666 00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,523 May one ask who applied? 667 00:42:16,567 --> 00:42:23,097 The architects representing the Felsham-Gruder Development Corporation. 668 00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:25,870 And has permission been granted? 669 00:42:25,910 --> 00:42:30,210 Oh! God moves mysteriously, 670 00:42:30,247 --> 00:42:32,238 but not that fast. 671 00:42:34,685 --> 00:42:40,624 Still, with the Felsham name attached, I can't envisage any particular objections. 672 00:42:42,226 --> 00:42:47,596 Reg, what is an Odyssey Park when it's at home? 673 00:42:47,631 --> 00:42:50,293 A theme park. 674 00:42:50,334 --> 00:42:52,825 I thought they were just shifting the gravel. 675 00:42:52,870 --> 00:42:56,567 Oh, yes, and then building on the site. 676 00:42:58,676 --> 00:43:01,144 What sort of theme park? 677 00:43:01,178 --> 00:43:04,477 A history of boats through the ages. 678 00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:09,077 Everything from the Roman coracle to the QEII. 679 00:43:09,119 --> 00:43:12,282 They'll be an adjacent motel, 680 00:43:12,323 --> 00:43:14,985 shopping precinct, caravan site. 681 00:43:15,025 --> 00:43:17,892 Oh, yes, it'll provide a lot of jobs. 682 00:43:17,928 --> 00:43:21,523 It's a relatively high unemployment area. 683 00:43:21,565 --> 00:43:23,897 And it'll rape the countryside. 684 00:43:25,669 --> 00:43:27,660 Can't please everyone, Mr. Lovejoy. 685 00:43:29,573 --> 00:43:31,871 What, if anything, has this got to do with Jane? 686 00:43:31,575 --> 00:43:33,907 It's the one way I knew I could get you here. 687 00:43:33,944 --> 00:43:36,538 - Ah, yes, I thought as much. - She's my friend. 688 00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:40,311 - I care what happens to her. - Such altruism, Lovejoy. 689 00:43:40,351 --> 00:43:43,115 All right, then, tell me what is going to happen. 690 00:43:44,154 --> 00:43:46,884 She'll be discredited and made to look a fool. 691 00:43:46,924 --> 00:43:49,051 And what affects her, affects me. 692 00:43:49,093 --> 00:43:53,530 - But she's the friend, you're the husband. - I wish you'd remember that more often. 693 00:43:54,431 --> 00:43:55,955 OK, Alex. 694 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,298 You're digging out the gravel, then what? 695 00:43:58,335 --> 00:44:00,496 I don't have to explain. 696 00:44:00,537 --> 00:44:03,005 - Humor me. - All right, then. 697 00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:06,874 According to the geologist's survey, the pits will soon fill up with water, 698 00:44:06,910 --> 00:44:09,743 and then we'll turn it into a mere or a bird sanctuary. 699 00:44:09,780 --> 00:44:12,476 - And the gee-gees? - They'll be resettled. 700 00:44:12,516 --> 00:44:14,780 - By the big dipper? - What are you going on about? 701 00:44:14,818 --> 00:44:17,582 Oh, Alex, you've been conned. 702 00:44:17,621 --> 00:44:19,782 Not that again. We've been through this! 703 00:44:19,823 --> 00:44:22,257 Odyssey theme park. 704 00:44:22,292 --> 00:44:24,658 "Man's love affair with the boat." 705 00:44:24,695 --> 00:44:29,826 Alex, they'll probably put The Kingfisher - that's the 80-bed motel - over there, 706 00:44:29,867 --> 00:44:32,392 next to The Kestrel - the shopping precinct. 707 00:44:32,436 --> 00:44:35,837 And, of course, not forgetting The Seagull caravan site. 708 00:44:35,873 --> 00:44:39,866 - Oh, my God. - One thing. You didn't hear it from me. 709 00:44:42,346 --> 00:44:44,712 I've just heard about Patricia. 710 00:44:44,748 --> 00:44:47,148 Premium bond came up. She went to Florence. 711 00:44:47,184 --> 00:44:49,880 We'll never get anybody to paint the portrait in time. 712 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:50,978 Never. 713 00:44:54,158 --> 00:44:56,456 (Tinker laughs) 714 00:45:00,264 --> 00:45:02,255 (Sings) 715 00:45:05,035 --> 00:45:07,026 Joe, what is it? 716 00:45:07,071 --> 00:45:10,336 That bastard Felsham. He's backed out. 717 00:45:10,374 --> 00:45:12,205 - Welshed on me. - Why? 718 00:45:12,309 --> 00:45:15,107 I don't know. You must've said something to Lady Jane! 719 00:45:15,145 --> 00:45:17,773 - I didn't! - Pissed, probably. 720 00:45:17,815 --> 00:45:20,079 Argh! I didn't! 721 00:45:20,117 --> 00:45:22,108 Shouldn't trust no one, never! 722 00:45:23,153 --> 00:45:25,986 - Honest to God, it wasn't me. - How did Felsham find out? 723 00:45:26,023 --> 00:45:28,617 You didn't tell him, who did? 724 00:45:28,659 --> 00:45:30,752 - It could've been anyone. - Who? 725 00:45:30,794 --> 00:45:32,659 Anybody! 726 00:45:32,696 --> 00:45:34,857 - Names. Give me some names. - I don't know! 727 00:45:34,898 --> 00:45:36,923 Somebody in the office. 728 00:45:36,967 --> 00:45:38,901 Why would they do it? They'll all be earning wages out of it. 729 00:45:39,636 --> 00:45:41,467 Who do we know? 730 00:45:41,505 --> 00:45:45,635 Who we come in contact with? Who's been here or to the office? 731 00:45:45,676 --> 00:45:47,576 Who... 732 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,646 Bring that weasel here. Yes, now. 733 00:45:53,717 --> 00:45:56,049 Well, use your brains. Just do it. 734 00:45:57,755 --> 00:46:00,588 No good toe-rag. I'll have him over, so help me. 735 00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:02,786 Joe... 736 00:46:02,826 --> 00:46:04,817 it wasn't Lovejoy, it were me. 737 00:46:08,866 --> 00:46:10,629 You what? 738 00:46:10,667 --> 00:46:11,827 Joe... 739 00:46:11,869 --> 00:46:14,702 You don't need them Felshams. 740 00:46:14,738 --> 00:46:16,729 You're Joe Gruder. 741 00:46:16,774 --> 00:46:19,470 The Joe Gruder. 742 00:46:19,510 --> 00:46:23,469 You don't need no favors from half-soaked aristocrats. 743 00:46:23,514 --> 00:46:26,608 I mean, they're nice people in their way 744 00:46:26,650 --> 00:46:30,313 but they're not our sort of people, Joe. 745 00:46:31,688 --> 00:46:36,387 What you've got, what you've made, you've made yourself with a shovel, 746 00:46:36,426 --> 00:46:38,894 not silver spoons. 747 00:46:38,929 --> 00:46:41,659 You don't need no favors, not now. 748 00:46:41,698 --> 00:46:45,532 You're big enough and good enough to make it on your own, believe me, Joe. 749 00:46:45,569 --> 00:46:47,560 Please believe me. 750 00:46:48,605 --> 00:46:51,130 And that's why you told him? 751 00:46:51,175 --> 00:46:52,164 Yes. 752 00:46:53,343 --> 00:46:55,072 No, Joe! 753 00:46:55,112 --> 00:46:57,103 God, you're a lousy liar. 754 00:47:00,517 --> 00:47:02,508 But you're beautiful, doll. 755 00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:06,518 Cross me heart, Lily, 756 00:47:06,557 --> 00:47:09,117 you ever left me, I'd be blitzed. 757 00:47:09,159 --> 00:47:11,650 Wouldn't know me arse from a hole in the ground. 758 00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:15,628 Oh, Joe! 759 00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:16,997 (Bell) 760 00:47:19,970 --> 00:47:22,131 Ah, yes. Mr Gruder's portrait. 761 00:47:22,172 --> 00:47:25,073 I don't suppose you could wait? Say, a couple of hours? 762 00:47:25,108 --> 00:47:27,303 No, I didn't think you could. 763 00:47:27,344 --> 00:47:29,904 Bet Annigoni never had this trouble. 764 00:47:34,284 --> 00:47:36,275 (Door opens) 765 00:47:44,928 --> 00:47:47,897 The lengths some people go to to get a portrait delivered. 766 00:47:47,931 --> 00:47:49,922 You two, outside. 767 00:47:56,406 --> 00:47:59,500 Almost finished. Going well, eh? 768 00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:02,944 You're doing it? What d'you take me for? A schmuck or something? 769 00:48:02,980 --> 00:48:05,141 Half-price? 770 00:48:05,182 --> 00:48:07,673 Why, Lovejoy, why did you do it? 771 00:48:09,319 --> 00:48:11,310 Well, for one thing, she's gone away. 772 00:48:11,355 --> 00:48:14,518 No, I didn't mean that. I meant Felsham. 773 00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:16,549 Why did you tell him? 774 00:48:22,165 --> 00:48:25,328 You wouldn't understand. 775 00:48:25,369 --> 00:48:27,360 Try me. 776 00:48:28,272 --> 00:48:32,038 Alex, Jane, they're my friends. I didn't want to see them conned. 777 00:48:32,075 --> 00:48:35,875 What about you and me? We were friends, weren't we? Same kind of people. 778 00:48:35,913 --> 00:48:38,677 - No, not really. - Come on, leave it out. 779 00:48:38,715 --> 00:48:43,243 You find a turd, sell it as Louis Quinze. I do the same. What's the difference? 780 00:48:43,287 --> 00:48:45,414 Difference is, you don't do it to friends. 781 00:48:45,455 --> 00:48:48,720 Where d'you think their money came from? Conning the peasants, 782 00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:51,694 cheating 'em out of their land. A field here, a field there. 783 00:48:51,728 --> 00:48:56,256 There are certain things you don't do to friends, no matter what the deal is. 784 00:48:58,068 --> 00:48:59,865 It's just like... 785 00:48:59,903 --> 00:49:02,838 certain things you can't put a price on. 786 00:49:02,873 --> 00:49:04,340 Name one. 787 00:49:05,575 --> 00:49:07,770 (Lily sings) 788 00:49:26,363 --> 00:49:27,352 Hello! 789 00:49:27,397 --> 00:49:30,230 Best deal you ever made and it didn't cost you a penny. 790 00:49:32,903 --> 00:49:36,930 Get out while you're ahead, and while you've still got one. 791 00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:41,308 I ever see you again, I'll have you over, right? 792 00:49:41,345 --> 00:49:42,334 Right. 793 00:49:43,146 --> 00:49:44,135 Right. 794 00:49:46,350 --> 00:49:48,341 Don't want me to finish it, do you? 795 00:49:56,293 --> 00:49:58,284 (Sings) 796 00:49:59,463 --> 00:50:01,454 - Bye, Lily! - Bye! 797 00:50:35,899 --> 00:50:37,389 Ah!